Only Cheney would lack the resources to leak info

Sunday, February 04, 2007 at 07:33 AM

I know Dick Cheney is an easy target, but come on, this borders on the ridiculous!

Eugene Robinson's column notes that Cheney's office had trouble deciding how to leak the info on Joe Wison and Valerie Plame.  An attack of conscience? No, just that Cheney and his little circle Republican Guards have demonized the press to such a degree, they didn't have the necessary contacts at mainstream outlets:

One problem was that Cheney's office had been so taciturn that reporters rarely bothered to call, knowing that all they would likely get was a cold shoulder. Cheney's former press aide testified that at one point there was a frantic search for a phone number for someone, anyone, at Newsweek. That leak finally had to be attempted via voice mail.

I can just imagine the chain of questions on that day.  Cheney calls his aide, who knows only the phone numbers for Fox folks.

Cheney:  Newsweek, we need Newsweek, those panty-waisted little peacenik Bastards!

Aide:  Sorry, sir, I don't know anyone at Newsweek.

Cheney: Not even some incestuous second cousin on the internet?

Aide:  No.  But I can get you somebody at World's BatNest Daily.

Cheney:  Yea, they're good solid Party Men.  Would they know anyone at Newsgeek?

Aide:  I'm not sure, sir.  I can contact them to see, but it might take a while to get an answer.  You know there's only the one person there, and if he forgets to take his medicine.....

Cheney: Christ!  My kingdom for a Newsleak.

Aide: You mean Newsweek, sir?

Cheney:  I mean what I mean you suspicious little twerp!  Hey, isn't Cavuto in the media?

Aide: Sure, but he's at Fox.

Cheney:  Maybe we could leak it to Fox, and let them leak it to Newsweek.

Aide: I don't think that's the best idea, sir.  After all, we want this to seem like good solid investigative journalism.

Cheney: Don't badmouth Fox to me, you little mamma's boy!  Fox is as Fox does, and Fox does just fine.

Aide: I agree sir, I agree, but those ignorant people out there who still don't get it also don't get Fox.  It wouldn't have the same effect.

Cheney: Jackasses.  What a waste of time.  Wilson's such a prick, why don't they all see that?  Grandstanding in Baghdad during the Gulf War, what a crock.  You think it takes balls to stay in place during a war?  Do you?  I'll tell you what takes balls, buddy:  staying on message when the whole fucking world is saying the message is wrong.

Aide: True, sir, true.  But we still need to get this to Newsweek.

Cheney:  Call Cavuto!  Call Hannity!  Call Rush! One of those overpaid Bastards must know some Pinko at that Newsbleak rag.