Blame Lazy Americans First

Monday, September 26, 2005 at 02:54 AM

Our darling boss, the ever-acidic A~ has pitched a piece concerning those freepers who come at us in assault mode, bearing this cute "Blame America First" crud. My turn follows...

First and foremost, I've noticed that those who utter this phrase...blame America first...suffer from a disease of sorts that can be called several things: Republicanus Retardus, Freeper Syndrome, or better, Dittoheaditus.

Persons suffering such symptoms come with other symptoms, the most prevalent is a clear demonstration of fucking laziness.

Or, if one prefers, a character of non-involvement.

In my studies at The Six Institute Of Mathematical Weirdness, the research oft reveals other factors that most don't seem to observe, unless under the scanning-electron-microscope or the occasional episode of Jerry Springer. Yet, under such research, I have discovered other traits and mysteries.

Interesting thing, though: Those that issue this statement of "Blame America first" are seen to the educated eye and ear as being indicative of owning a lazy streak the width of a parsec.

Yes. For example, one freeper I know and have studied has a formulated approach to existence: Work, go home, drink a solution of H2O and alcohol, watch something called "reality TV" and then a nap. This process repeats like sunspots during high flare cycles.

Piqued, I wonder and then ask: Does this person get involved? Ever attending, say, PTA meetings or sitting in on zoning discussions? Or are they registered with a certain political party and do things to contribute to the cause?

In most cases, the data suggests that "involvement" means attending church on an infrequent basis, usually a death or a wedding. In most cases, the attending rate falls far below that of a "true believer".

Yet, this person, and others in the study group all bitch and loudly, yet, what's puzzling is the total similarity in nature to the tones and modulation of such bitching, it's like listening to birds chattering on the power line: Despite each being of a different DNA batch, not even a spectrum analyzer can determine the differences in these....ahem....freeper songs.

Meaning, it must come from a common source, yes, hmm, but where? Oh, we have our suspect sources, of course, that continues in our paper, "The Brainwashing Efforts Of Corporate America", available on cassette and CD, of course.

And I challenge them to "see" independant thought activity. An example?

"Goddamned oil companies! It's their fault the gas is so high!"
"Agreed, and so, would you think that price controls might be indicated?"
"Yeah, that's the idea! Price controls!"
"Well, sorry, that won't happen."
"Why not?"
"Well, think, Subject 2104, both the president and veep are both oil people, and you honestly think they're going to cut off their dicks to help you and me out?"

I then move away to a safe distance, and behind the concrete and steel safety barriers, I've learned to: When they explode in rage, it's rather sickening and not as much fun as you'd think. Baited properly, Subject 2104 then goes off like a Claymore, popping off with Colterisms galore, then, they storm out of the lab.

Then, there was the exchange with Subject 4319:

"Damn, I had my meds refilled, I can't believe how much they cost these days!"
"So, wouldn't you agree that some mechanism of control, such as socialized medicine might be indicated?"
"WHAT?", and I duck behind the barrier swiftly. "SO THOSE MOTHERFUCKING (racial epithet goes here) CAN HAVE A FREE FUCKING RIDE????"

Yes, if you've noticed, there is an interesting thing here at work: Test subject with a sharp question, and the reply is akin to a leg going into motion due to a hammer strike. In almost all testing, the results are typical: A rehearsed, almost hypnotic kind of suggestion has been implanted, and at guessing "the secret woid", they react with uncommon predictability.

So, we light up the smokes, pour some coffee, have our last meeting, and review the data to reach our conclusion: Beam me up Scotty, these bozos don't think for themselves.

Sorry, argue all you wish, the data is conclusive:
-The alpha rhythms recorded perfectly match those of Bill O'Reilly.
-The more challenging or complex the test question, the more predictable the reply.
-Concrete and steel safety barriers are a good thing to have in the lab.

Yeah, I know, all sarcasm aside, it's laziness, a kind of mental "light on, nobody home" thing. It's so much easier to let someone else do your thinking, and hand you cute answers to horribly complex formulae, but that, I assume, is all part of a master plan of the Corporati: The dumber the populace, the easier ruling them becomes. Ask Constantine about that idea.

Thus, the "Blame America first" reflex is that and nothing more: Empty heads barking lines made up for them to say, when confronted by PhD's and others with operational craniums.

Of course, if they did stop and think for themselves, examine life's data stream, they might snap free of this hypnotic control, and might poop in their britches. But, as we've learned here at Six Labs, that evaporates away the laziness and makes one actually tbink, and with time, act, and that requires genuine effort.

No, it's much easier to park flags on the vehicle, listen to Toby Keith, mention certain passages from prophets, smile, grin and then bow and scrape to Darth Rove or his many transmitters on the shortwave bands.

Conclusion: Thinking for yourself is a real bitch, it requires energy and some intestinal fortitude, but the end result is far more appreciated by....gasp....mankind!

And the freepers can't handle that: That would entail "liberalism", in that they'd have to stop watching the tube, turn off the AM and then talk to others, get into heated discussions and then come to realize what "compromise" means.

It would also imply sacrifice, but the rules of the cosmos demand such. It's either be a slave and love the lie, or snap the chains and work your brain hard to stay ahead of the game.

So, to the final thought: Is it really "Blame America first"? No, it's Blame Lazy, Robotic Americans every time. Those who swallow the BS, believe in everything told to them by the Republican Apologists, and bow their heads to The Town Drunk are responsible for our ills:

By inaction, more than action, they let the wolf in the door. By voting in a carload of corporate-owned politicians, they made this bed, and can't seem to understand why it's so lumpy. By nodding and listening and obeying this hypnotic command issued by the Corporati, they are slaves, and as such, must recite those things slaves are whipped into saying.

It is, sadly, a clue and a dead giveaway. When a person says this line, back away slowly, and find yourself a concrete and steel barrier. Your life may depend on such.

Otherwise, it's like a fart. It just says an asshole's around.