Hooked on a Palin, High on a Feelin'

By Lee Russ

Sunday, December 28, 2008 at 08:47 PM

End of election, yes; end of Palin, no. There's a certain mindset out there in the la-la land segment of America that Ms. Palin is the be-all, end-all, know-all, save-us-all of the future. Take John Jr. and Patsy.

John Jr. wrote an open letter to Sarah Palin published in Palin's hometown newspaper, the Mat-Su Valley Frontiersman. Highlights include (emphasis added to the parts that really, really scare me):

There are tens of millions of Palinites out here very eager to do something.

Ominously, this election demonstrated that the Democrat machine has come to mimic the old U.S.S.R., in that it now reserves unto itself the right to lie, to cheat and to commit any act to further its own ends. Democrat tactics were on full display this time: American electoral probity be darned. There was voter registration fraud, ballot fraud, bureaucratic corruption, media malfeasance and ballot-count manipulation. They likely took millions in illegal donations, talked the economy downward and fiddled with the stock market too. It was a perfect feast of “coincidences” for them. While most Democrats are misguided, some are plainly evil.

...Liberalism would have nothing to plunder if conservatism did not build it first. It’s past time for prudent conservatives to get real. Moderate Republicanism has become nothing more than political elevator music.

Rush Limbaugh notes that any organization that does not have conservatism as its founding and guiding purpose will, in time, become liberal. Ronald Reagan often joked that earlier in his life he hadn’t left the Democrat Party, that it had left him. Reagan’s lament could now include a sizable segment of the Republican Party.

All that America ever was and is supposed to be seems to be quietly drifting away like smoke trails in the night sky after a Fourth of July fireworks display. Capitalism, the beleaguered U.S. Constitution, common sense, granddad’s America and conservatism are long overdue for a bailout.

...it’s imperative that Republican liberal-lite moderates and squishy-spined country-clubbers be abandoned to go their own way. The distinction between right and left must be made sharp, clear and unequivocal. If America is to stand a chance — provided it’s not already too late — then conservatism must be unencumbered to stand free on its own honest merit. The GOP has reached critical mass. Let good, old-fashioned conservatism be the detonator.

Governor Palin, with the greatest of urgency, please consider a very public exploration toward forming a new national conservative party...Pull a Reagan on them. Go online straight to the people. Explore the organizational practicalities and possibilities for this idea. Conservatives are hungry for their prophet. I’ll bet they’ll pledge to you $100 million in the first month in spite of the economy.

In a moment just made for a genuine American maverick, nothing may be as powerful as a Palin whose time has come.

Yes, folks, it is established fact, needing no proof, elaboration or explanation, that this election involved "voter registration fraud, ballot fraud, bureaucratic corruption, media malfeasance and ballot-count manipulation." All by Democrats (presumably the "evil" ones rather than those simply "misguided").

To this reasoned and methodical missive, Patsy left the following comment (again, emphasis added):

Thanks...for putting so eloquently what conservatives really feel and need for the future of our nation. It is distressing to read all the hateful and negative comments written about Sarah and Todd. Notice how much more accommodating conservatives have been in giving Obama a chance. Just proves conservatives are more interested in trying to do what is best for our country than spouting mean personal vendettas that accomplish nothing!! I personally think there will sill[sic] be a love affair for Obama in 2012 (barring something major happening), so maybe Sarah should look more toward 2016. "

Yes, Pats, old gal, conservatives have absolutely stood on their heads to ensure Obama got a reasonable chance. That's probably why good old Focus on the Family published its despicable "Letter from 2012 in Obama's America." And certainly that's why Sarah ("the impaler") Palin herself kept up the fear mongering about pallin' 'round with terrorists. And so on, ad infinitum/nauseum.

But wait, The Frontiersman piece had yet another entry from John Jr. himself. Responding to a long thread of comments about his open letter, J. Jr. had this to say (no emphasis possible; I'd have had to boldface the entire thing):

Ann Coulter is right. Political discourse in this country is insufferable. It’s impossible to have a serious discussion when Democrats’ forte is throwing rocks and calling the other side names.

Political discussions never begin at logical starting points, whether this an idea is moral, far-sighted, or constitutional. Conservatives must concede half of every argument to erroneous rationale. The Democrat Discussion Handicap always requires a gimme or two, and agrees with the central Democrat principle of “How can I get something for nothing?”

You’ve made my case in the your posts.

Un-F'ing-Believable. Forget the fact that the whole "discussion handicap" shtick is incomprehensible. The man who accused Democrats of every vile election-stealing trick in the book without even the pretense of proof, who called a segment of Dems simply evil, who called somebody "squishy-spined country-clubbers," is accusing Democrats of name calling, is disappointed in the state of political discourse, and cites Coulter as authority for it being insufferable.

The wing nuts ain't going anywhere (except maybe to the Mat-Su Valley if they can find a good enough map). It appears that they couldn't get from here to any other there if they tried, and they don't want to try. No, they're staying right here, because it's time to save "granddad's America," whatever that might have been.

I'm not sure how old "granddad" is supposed to be. Is his America the segregated America, the one where kids could be worked to death, the one where Jews and blacks could be excluded at will from jobs, housing, and even country clubs? Or would it be the one where the top marginal income tax rate exceeded 90% and the government felt obliged to pass worker safety and environmental protection laws and actually keep the infrastructure from crumbling into the waterways?

And Sarah, God bless her, she's the one. The prophetess, the seer, the bespectacled, aircraft huntin', plain talkin', uncorrupted soul of the American spirit, keeper of the flame of its past, birth mother of its return to a glorious future.

Yes, I'm hooked on a Palin, hooked so hard that I just had to write her a song or, since this is the 21st century and I'm hanging onto sanity by a thread made in China, had to adapt an old song just for her:

Hooked on a Palin (to the tune of Hooked on a Feeling)

I can't stop this feeling

Deep inside of me.

Girl, you just don't realize

What you do to me.

When you hold me

In your ideas so tight,

You let me know,

Everything's alright

I'm hooked on a Palin,

I'm high on derailin',

that whole last century....

If there are tens of millions of these people, I could use a map myself.