New Species Found in New Guinea Disprove "Intelligent Design"

By The Lobotomist

Tuesday, February 07, 2006 at 09:01 AM

Scientists the world over are hailing the news published today in the Online Edition of "The Independent."

"An astonishing mist-shrouded "lost world" of previously unknown and rare animals and plants high in the mountain rainforests of New Guinea has been uncovered by an international team of scientists. Among the new species of birds, frogs, butterflies and palms discovered in the expedition through this pristine environment, untouched by man, was the spectacular Berlepsch's six-wired bird of paradise. The scientists are the first outsiders to see it. They described the remote mountainous area, which could only be reached by helicopter, as akin to finding a "Garden of Eden"."

But yet, there were some disturbing finds that scientists believe should finally put to rest any further discussion of "Intelligent Design" as a competitor to the scientifically-accepted theory of evolution.

Three newly discovered animals, in particular, leave little doubt that they could NOT have been designed by an intelligent creator.

First, the "Yellowbellied Chickenhawk."  The scientists noted with no small amount of disgust that this frail, ugly bird - its scant head feathers revealing a pale, grey, scaly skin and lopsided beak frozen in a perpetual sneer - seems to enjoy fomenting disagreements among the other animals in the forest.  It then hops to safety and watches while the animals fight amongst themselves.  It's distinctive cry of "chay-NEE! Chay-NEE!" can be heard throughout the jungle.

Then there's the "Potbellied Pillsucker."  Like the Yellowbellied Chickenhawk, it seems to enjoy watching other animals do combat.  But when confronted by other aggressive animals, it actually grows what appears to be some sort of "cyst" above its anus, which it pecks at, weeping.  It's cry of "DITT-ohhhh.... DITT-ohhhh" seems to make the other animals in the forest nauseous.

Finally, there's the "Forked Tongue Refroglican."  It sits on its pad on the surface of a slimy lagoon, croaking   "clintondidit... clintondidit... clintondidit..."

Scientists agree that the presence of these loathsome animals reaffirms evolution's place as scientific fact, as an "intelligent designer" would have never allowed such repulsive creatures to exist.