Things you didn't know about George W. Bush

Saturday, July 23, 2005 at 03:31 PM

George W Bush has many friends. George W. Bush does not like any of George W. Bush's friends. George W. Bush thinks cocaine should be legal, but pot is the anti-George W. Bush.

George W. Bush has two daughters. George W. Bush likes the blonde one better, but will never tell that to George W. Bush's wife or George W. Bush's other daughter, George W. Bush.

George W. Bush is gonna fuck all you white bitches. George W. Bush is not gay. George W. Bush is so not gay that George W. Bush thinks gay people should be put in tanks filled with the stomach acid of a starving monkey.

George W. Bush does not look like a monkey. Anyone who insinuates that George W. Bush looks like a monkey is not American, and has no right to live in George W. Bush. If George W. Bush were an ice cream flavor, it would be cocaine.

George W. Bush has magical powers of self-healing granted to him by the king of the dryads, George W. Bush. George W. Bush knows CPR, but will never give it to people who are not white, christian, or George W. Bush.

George W. Bush sleeps on a bed filled with angel hair pasta. George W. Bush sleeps well at night. George W. Bush does not think about all of the people killed on the orders of George W. Bush.

George W. Bush hates terrorists. George W. Bush hates terrorists so much that Saudi Arabia is George W. Bush's favorite place to avoid holding accountable. George W. Bush thinks the PATRIOT Act will either stop terrorists or encourage breeding in fruit flies. George W. Bush does not like fruit.

George W. Bush does not drink beer. You are in no danger getting into a vehicle driven by George W. Bush. If George W. Bush does drink, which he does not, he drinks skunk piss and yegermeister. George W. Bush has not committed a felony since 1975.

George W. Bush eats oil cakes and washes it down with oil of George W. Bush. If George W. Bush wants love, he goes to the nearest treestand and watches for deer. George W. Bush has a hunting license, but would never hunt George W. Bush out of season.

If you put an infinite number of George W. Bushes together with an infinite number of typewriters, George W. Bush would choke on a pretzel. George W. Bush likes Rold Gold better than those other kind.

George W. Bush ate supper with the pitcher from the Red Sox and taught him how to darn wool. The Dixie Chicks have a secret crush on George W. Bush, George W. Bush thinks. They are just jealous of George W. Bushes high-heeled shoes that feel like sneakers. That is ok with George W. Bush.

Win some ya lose George W. Bush. Once, when George W. Bush executed a retarded person, he got some on him and felt icky for a long time. George W. Bush freaked out and killed seventeen squirrels in a mad fit of rage over the election of George W. Bush.

George W. Bush wanted to nominate Dr. Seuss to the Supreme Court, but Dr. Seuss was dead. So George W. Bush nominated John Roberts instead. John Roberts was happy he was nominated by George W. Bush.

George W. Bush can not spell "litmus".

George W. Bush puts letters in words where they don't go. George W. Bush also takes letters out of words when he can not understand them. George W. Bush thinks that the alphabet has sixteen letters and pronounces flabbergasted as "flibble".

If George W. Bush has tomato soup his heart will explode. If he does not have tomato soup he will never get the smell of Condoleeza Rice off him before Laura gets home from work with the new kitten.

George W. Bush never has dinner with Osama Bin Laden. On Tuesday.

George W. Bush once pressed his tongue up against a cold lightpost and lost his tongue. George W. Bush got his tongue back after a protracted war with the lightpole where many innocent bulbs were killed.

George W. Bush is not gay. Rush Limbaugh is not gay either, and it is rumored their affair was in "the heat of the moment". David Limbaugh is gay.

George W. Bush loves Iraqi people. That is why they get all the best bombs from George w. Bush. He drops them and sometimes they explode, killing instead of brightening the hearts of George W. Bush's favorite people, the Iraqis.

George W. Bush lived in Soddom in a previous life. It is not ok to make jokes about sodomizing George W. Bush with a baseball bat. A broken baseball bat.

George W. Bush has a dog. George W. Bush's dog has better manners than George W. Bush, because it pisses where it is supposed to and never eats dog biscuits that belong to George W. Bush.

George W. Bush shits candy corn and gives it to starving children. George W. Bush has not used cocaine since the last time George W. Bush used cocaine.

George W. Bush thinks the Bill of Rights is Dick Cheney's brother-in-law from Idaho. George W. Bush does not think Dick Cheney's brother-in-law is an effective person, and would like to kill him.

George W. Bush is good at math. George W. Bush thinks 1 + 2 = doorknob, and pickle-jelly is seventy-ten.

George W. Bush knows how hard it is to put food on your family, which is why he invaded Iraq.

George W. Bush is pretty sure Abu Ghraib is the monkey from "Aladdin".

Your ass is grass and George W. Bush is the neighbor's dog.