Suppose They Throw A Rapture And Nobody Beams Out?

Sunday, July 16, 2006 at 07:00 AM

It figures. It always does.

The escalating mayhem in the Middle East is actually making some folks about to have an orgasm....

I love this, really, in that way, as Chuck Barris would say, "And I also like licking a lit road flare"....

"For the first time in my Christian walk, I have no doubts that the day of the Lords appearing is upon us. I have never felt this way before, I have a joy that bubbles up every-time I think of him, for I know this is truly the time I have waited for so long. Am I alone in feeling guilty about the human suffering like my joy at his appearing some how fuels the evil I see everywhere. If it were not for the souls that hang in the balance and the horror that stalks man daily on this earth, my joy would be complete."
. . .
"How can we not be excited, our redeemer cometh. We should pray always for the lost. But he is coming. Amen Amen ever so come lord Jesus."
. . .
"Ready, waiting and excited here! Still telling others whenever possible that the rapture could take place at any time because this world is in such a big MESS and evidently it goes through one ear and right out the other."
. . .
"I am excited beyond words that the struggle of this life may be over soon and I can finally be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"
. . .
"I too am soooo excited!! I get goose bumps, literally, when I watch what's going on in the M.E.!! And Watcherboy, you were so right when saying it was quite a day yesterday, in the world news, and I add in local news here in the Boston area!! Tunnel ceiling collapsed on a car and killed a woman of faith, and we had the most terrifying storms I have ever seen here!! But, yes, Ohappyday, like in your screen name , it is most indeed a time to be happy and excited, right there with ya!!"
. . .
"Lets keep the excitement going!!!!!"
. . .
"Days like today it's all I want. Other days because of others I want one more. But what a privilege to be apart of the rapture. I can hardly wait!!"

(I know, the mean part of me so wants to add I'M CUMMINNNNNNNNGGGGG!!!.....)

It's fucking hilarious. It's also incredible sad, too. Yes, WTW fans, there are those who really believe this insanity, but they also akin Harry Potter books with The Satanic Bible, too.

Rapturemania. Isn't it all pretty silly, considering?

Hate to say it, but, okay, this was asked for: There ain't no Rapture coming. Nada. It won't happen.

Here's the problem, for those who didn't do as I did and actually study religion years ago, and learn the real truth of where-this-idea-originated and what-jackass-proposed-this-stupid-bit-of-dogma.

See, many of the authors of the many texts that, over time, became part and parcel of many other texts, tended to use a concept called allegory.

Meaning, you cannot take certain statements as exact, but with other meanings implied. No human can walk on water, but, with intestinal fortitude, "walk the troubled seas of one's life", see? It works that way.

The idea of The Rapture, then, is a literal interpretation of the "buzz" one is supposed to get at the point when Enlightment kicks your brain across the room:

1 Thessalonians 4:13-17: "But I would not have you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning them which are asleep, that ye sorrow not, even as others which have no hope. For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so them also which sleep in Jesus will God bring with him. For this we say unto you by the word of the Lord, that we which are alive and remain unto the coming of the Lord shall not prevent them which are asleep. For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord."

It's pure allegory. "Concerning them which are asleep", that's allegorical for what many in mysticism refer to as The Living Dead, or, Those Without A Clue. The "rising son" stuff dates back to The Mystery Schools, all of which had the same allegorical teaching of a "Godman" (Osiris, Attis, Mithras, Dionysus, et al...) The idea was that you had to be like the "Godman", eliminate the body stuff and become a spirit thing.

And, according to a Yogi I know, well, he said when "it all kicked in", he swore he buzzed as if he'd drank a six pack, but without needing to piss so bad.

Thus, some stuff needs to be taken as poetry or lyrics, not as CAD data for building a rotor hub. Well, guess not as Rapturemania has become an industry: Books, tapes, DVD's, really awful movies with 3rd-rate actors.

And like any product, what is sad is who purchases this crap without realizing they've been had since day one, but "literalists" (Freke and Gandy's term) are brainwashed from birth to accept things as written, ergo, anyone got some swamp land to go?

Some read things like the above missive and say, "Six, somebody made that up, right? Right?"

No, it's too authentic-sounding, as I compare it to the same silliness I hear puking from the locals I deal with, those cheery sheep, the Southern Baptist Con crowd, aka AmTaliban. It's just that this writer is, well, a tad enthusiastic about carnage?

Sorry, AmTalibanians, your crew's been forecasting the end of time since Constantine said so. As one author so put it, "without the fear element added, orthodox Christianity has no weapon to keep the faithful paying their dues." Problem is, one storm, one earthquake and one morning's worth of Raw Story coverage of Israel acting her belligerent-assed self, well, many think "THIS IS A SIGN!"

No. Sign it is not. Sickening it is. I just can't decide which is worse: Those creating the carnage, or those in the stands munching hot dogs cheering it on.